


The Gates of Hell in the House of Heaven

by I_Wish_I_Was_Interesting



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gadreel Possessing Sam Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Memories of The Cage, Season 9, The Cage, Validating Sam's pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 01:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12048792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Wish_I_Was_Interesting/pseuds/I_Wish_I_Was_Interesting
Summary: The doors of heaven are too close to the gates of hell. This is an angst fic about the time Gadreel was possessing Sam and another perspective of the situation.





	The Gates of Hell in the House of Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> A angsty fic that i wrote because I was getting upset that Sam had to go through so much yet never seems to get any credit or acknowledged for his suffering and pain. This is mainly from Gadreel's perspective and obviously not canon but i hope you enjoy. I own nothing but my mistakes

_I want to see what happens if I don't give up._

_I want to try and survive._

_But this doesn't feel like life._

_this feels like a game._

_And it feels like i'm losing._

_So I'm going to keep living until I feel alive again._

 

* * *

 

It was the quiet acceptance that was most surprising. Sam Winchester had accepted he wouldn’t survive in the hunting life, he would either die doing something stupid or brave… this time it was both.

He was okay with death, borderline welcoming of it, since what did he do to deserve life? He sat in a church with the King of Hell and he still felt like the most tainted and dark thing in the room. No amount of confession could cleanse him of his sins.

The quiet acceptance was there as he changed Crowley into human renewing him into a new life.

And then Dean Winchester.

Dean barged in a mess of screams and demands, begging for Sam to stop.

Through the haze of the trials Sam blinked in recognition, not at the words his brother spluttered but instead his brother himself.

“Let it go, okay? Let it go brother.” Dean said pulling Sam into a tight hug.

And then the trials were over, the angels fell and Sam was pulled into the enticing darkness of unconsciousness.

 

* * *

  

It was a dark place inside Sam Winchester. He was broken in his mind and soul but so powerful.

Gadreel himself was weak, splintered from his time in heavens prison and damaged from the fall. But he was here now and could heal himself and parts of the Winchester vessel he was occupying.

Even broken and hurt, Sam was the strongest vessel Gadreel had ever felt, it truly was fit for the Morningstar himself.

As Gadreel wandered in the broken fragments of Sam’s memories, he felt such a loathing for his own kind. Hell may have tainted him, but heaven broke him.

Gadreel continued his stroll through the memories unsure what he was looking for until he saw it. The cage. The cage was a legend in heaven, a place of unimaginable cruelty and pain made by God and the archangels themselves. It was place of fear and the mere thought of it brought shivers to the angels.

As Gadreel stood in the memory of the cage, he felt his broken wings twitch.

Being in the cage, even subdued in a memory, was so powerful and intense. Gadreel could feel the cold electrified grace run across his figurative body.

He looked across to where Lucifer was leaning over Sam with a glint in his eye and a cruel snarl placed on his face. Sam looked almost bored only wincing every now and again but not looking perplexed by his situation. This must have been later on in Sam’s time in the cage.

Sam had often told people after his time in the mental hospital that he couldn’t remember his time in the cage, Gadreel saw that wasn’t true. Although dulled by the help of Castiel, Sam could still remember every breath in the cage. Castiel took only a slither of the burden and pain Sam’s soul was under and even heaven’s righteous solider could barely cope with it all.

“Come now Sam, you know I like it when you squeal for me, you’ve been quiet for so long,” the echo of Lucifer said within Sam’s memory.

Sam didn’t reply but instead ignored the fact that he was being expertly cut by the devil himself.

Sam looked past Lucifer straight into Gadreel. Gadreel felt slightly unnerved by this, he was in Sam’s memories and therefore Sam had no power over what happened or what he did, he was just forced to relive the endless cycle of his torment. But the way he was staring at him just made him uncomfortable.

Sam tilted his head slightly but then refocused his attention on Lucifer torturing him and continued to look just as unbothered as ever.

Gadreel felt his grace churn around in anxiety but ignored it as he took control of Sam’s body as Dean called out to him. It was probably nothing.

 

* * *

 

Gadreel often wandered through Sam’s memories. Although young of body, his soul had lived for eons and most of that was being tortured by Lucifer.

Gadreel had lived for a long time but remembered little from before the fall, although Lucifer had been the one that manipulated him to let him into Eden; he had little interactions with him. There were stories though, horrible and terrifying stories. After the fall, Lucifer was a silver-tongued creature of darkness who fed off the pain and misery of others. He was some strange combination between a myth and a legend of this devil creature that all feared and the original light bringer that still had a few stories.

Sam’s life seemed to be a never-ending list of silenced pain and suffering.

 

* * *

  

Gadreel was shaken.

He wandered in one of the only peaceful memories Sam had of a time he was just reading a book outside without his brother or father coming to annoy or force him to do work.

Dean had almost told Sam that Gadreel, or Ezekiel, possessed him.

Gadreel had been forced to lie and say that he was still weak and that if Sam knew he could expel him at any time.

He actually wasn’t weak anymore; the soul was amazingly powerful and healed him within the first week of possessing Sam. Sam’s soul was especially strong; all of the pain and torture he had been through had made his soul a powerful force especially combined with his natural psychic powers and the demon blood. Weakness was no longer a problem for Gadreel.

What was a problem was that because Sam was so strong and didn’t consent, Sam could dispel him whenever he chose.

So Gadreel sat in the peaceful memories of Sam and swore he would better watch what happened with him and his brother.

Gadreel would not be leaving without a fight.

 

* * *

  

Gadreel began to take control of Sam’s body more and more often. It was an odd thing to live the life of Sam Winchester. For example, Sam always tried to make himself seem smaller then he really was even though he was a giant of a man. He wanted to take up as little as room as possible to try and not be a burden, to try to minimise himself.

Gadreel was careful to make sure the hunter didn’t realise what was going on, he took over nearly every night when Sam assumed he was just asleep but as he tried to take over some of his days he felt Sam’s concern grow.

As Gadreel was drifting through Sam’s memories, he found himself in the cage again. He looked around curiously, not remembering intentionally coming here and looked at the scene around him.

He looked over to where Sam was being tortured by Lucifer. Lucifer was smirking to himself as if proud of some accomplishment.

Sam, although just a soul with his essence and surroundings being shaped and made by grace, looked uncomfortable. It was as if he was on the brink of screaming but trying to hide it.

Lucifer was obviously excited by this development and was fully immersed in the act of inflicting as much pain as possible on Sam’s soul.

Sam glanced over Lucifer again and then stared right into Gadreel. Gadreel felt that uncomfortable churn in his grace.

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked frowning even deeper than before.

Gadreel looked behind him as if Sam could possibly be talking to someone other than him.

“How can you see me?” Gadreel asked suspiciously.

“You’ve been in my head for months, you thought I wouldn’t realise?”

Gadreel swallowed uncomfortably as he stared at the scene laid in front of him.

Sam glanced at Lucifer and then back at Gadreel seeing his discomfort. Sam rolled his eyes and then in a blink of an eye they were in a different place. It was some garden with a dog. Sam crouched down to pet him and then looked up at Gadreel.

“You looked distracted,” he said with a small grin that resembled too closely to Lucifers, a smile that automatically told Gadreel who was in charge here and it wasn’t himself.

“You seem less then bothered about your memories of the cage yet you are forced to constantly relive them,” Gadreel said.

Sam shrugged, “I’m just Sam’s subconscious I’m a small fraction of his mind that’s used to try and deal with his repression.”

“How did you know I was here? You shouldn’t have noticed the possession,” Gadreel repeated his question.

“I told you. You’ve been here for a while, I’ve noticed.”

“But you haven’t told Dean?”

Sam rolled his eyes, “I told you, I’m Sam’s subconscious, he knows on some level that he’s being possessed but not in a sense that he can act on it.”

“So… I’m safe?”

Sam’s face turned dark as he glared up at Gadreel dangerously, “Are you safe? What do you think this is? Just a friendly chat? I want you out. You are not meant to be here, I did not consent and I do not want or need you. You say you’re healing me but really, you’re just using my soul to heal yourself. I would have survived without you and I will continue to survive once I get rid of you.”

“You have spent much time with Lucifer, I believe you’ve learnt more from him then you care to admit.” Gadreel said slowly.

“Of course I have, 200 years of constant torture teaches you a few things and Lucifer loved the sound of his own voice.”

“Meaning?” Gadreel asked.

Sam sighed heavily and stood up and in a blink of an eye; they were in another memory of the cage.

Sam was forced against the wall with Lucifer painfully carving something into his skin that Gadreel couldn’t see.

“What are we doing here?” Gadreel asked subconscious Sam who was still standing to his left.

“I told you, Lucifer liked to talk. This is a memory of about 50 years into my time in the cage; Lucifer’s talking about my soul.”

“Sammy, you know you were made for me. You weren’t meant to serve any purpose other than to be my vessel, your body, your soul, they’re mine.” Lucifer snarled.

Up against the wall, Sam frowned a little in confusion.

Lucifer pondered that as he considered Sam. “You didn’t know about souls being connected to vessels?” He asked.

Sam didn’t answer.

“Sam if it was just your body I needed I would’ve just killed you and taken your body. Your soul is a part of you being a vessel; it’s your soul that needs to consent.”

Lucifer plunged the knife deeper into Sam’s skin and to Lucifer’s delight, Sam flinched a little bit.

“Sammy, was that almost a reaction? You know I really miss your screams, such fun sounds you would make.”

Sam glared and groaned quietly, “I’m surprised the devil’s so big on consent,” he said through ragged breaths.

Lucifer’s eyes lit up at the communication, “Sam, fallen from grace I may have done, but I’m still an angel, we all need consent to enter someone.”

“There’s no other way an angel can enter without consent?”

“No, and if there was it would be looked down upon by heaven and hell. Angels need consent, it’s their thing you know.”

The cage slowly seemed to fade back into the park with the dog except there were two dogs now.

Gadreel shifted awkwardly where he stood and avoided eye contact with Sam’s subconscious.

“I don’t know how you got in here but you will leave, maybe not now and maybe not without a fight but you will leave.” Sam said glaring.

And then he was gone.

 

* * *

  

Kevin was dead.

Gadreel felt no sort of remorse or pain over what he had done but Sam, Sam’s soul was screaming out in more pain then even when he relived being tortured by Lucifer.

It was such a tremendous sadness that Gadreel began to feel uncomfortable with his actions. But he ignored it and he continued. He believed whole-heartedly that following Metatron was the right thing to do.

So he ignored Sam and he took over completely.

He felt Sam fight but he couldn’t win because he still didn’t know what he was fighting.

So Gadreel continued to kill.

Crowley came and Sam fought and won.

Gadreel was forced out and he ran.

 

* * *

  

The next time Gadreel saw Sam was on purpose.

Sam and Dean were still fighting about Gadreel’s possession. Dean had left to go for a drink, and Sam was alone in the Bunker.

Gadreel came in; disarming any of the wards needed and looked for Sam.

When he found him, Sam immediately went into defence.

“You,” he snarled.

They weren’t in Sam’s head anymore and Sam wasn’t in charge. Gadreel forced him against the wall and held him there with his wilting yet still prominent powers.

“Are you here to kill me?” Sam glared.

“No,” he said.

“Then why are you here?” Sam spat.

“To talk.” Gadreel replied calmly.

Sam laughed dryly, “If you wanted to kill me then you could do it a lot faster than dying of boredom of whatever you have to say to me.”

“I told you, I’m not here to cause any harm to you, I want to talk to you… I’m sorry about Kevin.”

Sam froze for a second before relentlessly trying to get down. His face changed from an annoyed and slightly bored expression to one of pure wrath and hatred, “don’t you dare say his name. You did this! You!” He yelled.

“I know what I did and I know the grief it caused you and for that I apologise. My time with you has given me an odd experience of humanity.”

Sam huffed an exasperated laugh, “Your time with me? This wasn’t some exchange program, you possessed me without consent!”

“You’re an extremely strong vessel Sam. I know you have had many conversations with Lucifer about it and I would like to express my condolences for the pain you went through. Even seeing memories was a daunting experience and the fact that you survived such torture and the memories that followed is an extraordinary thing.” Gadreel said.

Sam paled, “You…. How do you…?”

“Although on a conscious level you did not know you were being possessed, your subconscious did and had conversations with me, mostly threatening me but would sometimes show me places and memories. You were forced not to realise what was going on yet you still did on some level. That is quite an extraordinary feat Sam Winchester.”

“You know everything about me without permission, without consent, and you have the nerve to talk to me… to apologize to me? You killed my friend and maybe not today maybe not even tomorrow but one day you will pay for that.” Sam growled.

His expression churned Gadreel’s grace in the same way it did when he was in the cage. Sam really had learnt things from Lucifer.

“Goodbye Sam Winchester.” Gadreel said.

Sam didn’t answer and Gadreel left.

As Sam crumpled to the floor, he leant his head against the cold wall and sat in a silent hatred for himself and the angel that knew too much.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested my tumblr's iwishiwasintersting
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
